Saturday, July 31, 2004
the time now is 4.10am.. and i guess i should really be sleeping at this time.. BUT... still gotta go for NDP duty later on.. and most prob gotta stand for a few good hours.. tonight is a night full of thoughts within me.. things hasn't been going on too well recently.. because of the many small incidents.. im starting to see my life in a different way.. in such a way that i myself... cant use word to explain.. coz i myself aren't sure about it.. i've been ponding on how much can ur good frends change with time.. and this thought came real deep into me today.. how much my fren changes over the years.. sumhow.. she's seem abit unfamiliar now.. she's describe that particular incident as for the fun of it.. she's more open minded now.. though it's not a serious issue.. but i juz cant help to think about it.. frend can neglect you.. ignore everything because of a guy they hardly knew of.. know a guy for a month is comparable to knowing a buddy of 5-6 years... this is life.. people changed.. hopefully for the better.. but it seems like people around me changed for the worst to me.. or was im the one who changeD? god knows.. there's so much thing to worry about recently.. it's him.. it's them.. it's sjab.. and it's school work.. after reading Jieying blog.. den i've realised my importance in the corp.. i alway see myself as someone who's juz slacking my time there.. nevertheless... i alway give in my best for them... juz when it's the time.. when everyone is enjoying to work with each other.. came the dreadful new.. transferring out to a new corp.. dealing with administration work is not a problem.. but having to take up the full responsibility of a corp.. is a big challenge to me.. though im a officer to be.. i still think it's sumthing which i would not wish to face up with.. there's still so much and so many things i can do in yuying.. there's still so many thing i can learn rom Jieying... but still.. we aren't in the position to decide in major reshufflement like this.. it's either..'u-follow-my-order...or-out you-do..' what is this world coming to?? committing in sjab is solemly a voluntary act... but it seems like.. there's only order to follow.. and we dun have a choice to do wat we want.. we dun get paid for so many tears and time that we put in.. we neither get award or what.. everyone is doing their best... and yet everyone is so hurt from this organisation.. what should be the next step for me? regardless.. of sjab.. them.. him..etc...??